go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
