im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
