Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
