Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
