i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
