what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
