Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
