every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just crazy horny about you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize