Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
