Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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