Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
