I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
