so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
