I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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