How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
