Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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