Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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