Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
