I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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