The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
