put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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