If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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