Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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