Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
