yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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