Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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