dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
