no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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