like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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