I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
