eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
