i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
