he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
