i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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