I wish my penis had an off switch
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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