I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
