Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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