So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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