Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
