She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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