I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
