none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
