she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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