Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I forget how to act sober
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
