How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
