As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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