I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
