I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
