i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
