Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize