Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
