I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
