i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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