Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
