It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
