so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
