he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
