peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
