My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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