Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
