Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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