He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
