Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
