Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize