Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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