So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
honey bunches of taint.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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