Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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