walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
