im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
