how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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